The Turning Point

 Today was another day I decided to surprise you. I took a bus over to find you but on the way there, you suddenly told me that you were going to head out for dinner with him. It was similar to a case of who you would choose if both of us appeared. It seems like you made a clear cut choice, because you chose to head out with him.

It was a turning point for me. I alighted from the bus halfway at Blk 102 Jln Rajah, and sat below that block for 1 hour, typing out my heartfelt words to you. My realisation was that you were no longer Jerique, but you were Wish.

My realisation as I typed these to you:

"The reason i did everything i did the past 2 months, i did it for Jerique. Jerique used to ask me out. Jerique would ask when she can see me again. Jerique would worry about me when I’m sick or unwell. Jerique was so impulsive, she wanted to immediately cab down to a foreign hospital just to look after me even though she is shy and weary in foreign countries. Jerique had immeasurable faith and limitless love for me despite my flaws. Jerique saw the best in me, the good things many didnt see. Jerique could ignore most of my red flags and choose to believe in my good. Jerique always wanted my time. Jerique would pounce on me everytime, even if she stayed over almost everyday. Jerique was full of life for me. Most important of all, Jerique loved me and showed it to me, and i was able to see it."

And then it hit me, I had already lost Jerique.

Heartbroken, I walked home. But somehow, I think that was also a turning point for you. My heart shattered, but yours rekindled. You were suddenly afraid to lose me, to the point you suffered a panic attack from my texts. Nonetheless I still headed over. You took your medicine before I arrived so you were groggy and semi-conscious. But when you finally had the strength to be half-awake, your smile upon seeing me with you was priceless. It was a memorable night spent with you, and I believe your heart was changed that night. But somehow, my heart was gone.

I don't understand why our timing had to be so messed up, but it was. We always chose to love at the wrong time. This is just the start to our further spiral towards destruction.